


The Situation

by Rehtaeh_Elocin



Series: Chicken Verse [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Animal Attack, Castiel and Dean Winchester Need to Use Their Words, Chickens, Confusion, Established Relationship, Explicit Sexual Content, Happy Ending, Hurt, M/M, Miscommunication, Veterinary Clinic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:42:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27107413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rehtaeh_Elocin/pseuds/Rehtaeh_Elocin
Summary: When an emergency happens, Dean says something off the cuff, and Cas begins to think about things, causing distance to grow between them.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: Chicken Verse [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1972579
Comments: 8
Kudos: 62





	The Situation

**Author's Note:**

> Here is Part 4 of the Chicken Verse!
> 
> Just a warning, there is a hurt chicken in this. It is not graphic, and she does not die.
> 
> Thank you to my muse (my GISH Captain), as well as all my wonderful GISHmates for being there, helping me bounce ideas around, and encouraging the continuation of the Chicken Saga.

Castiel stands in his workshop staring at the wrought iron bench he'd picked up the day before. This is a personal project for him, not something he'll be selling or giving away.

When he'd first seen it, it spoke to him. Rusted black metal, swirling designs through the armrests. But it's the backrest that really drew him in, made him feel connected. A design of feathers, intertwining throughout each other so they look as if they're floating, spinning and twirling around each other.

He wants this for his own garden.

He and Dean have been seeing each other for several months now; four, to be exact. It's been wonderful, amazing, everything Cas has ever wanted in a relationship. He thrives when he's in Dean's presence, and feels the loss when he's not, and he's been seriously considering asking Dean to move in.

Worried that it's too soon, he hasn't brought it up yet, but he wants to. Dean spends so much time at Cas' house as it is, and when he's not there, Cas wants him to be. He only worries he'll scare Dean away by rushing too fast.

He contemplates this as he looks at the bench, picturing he and Dean sitting on it in the garden, watching their chickens frolic in the yard until dusk, then heading up to their bed to make love before falling asleep in each other's arms. He wants that so badly.

Cas shakes his head of the thoughts, then kneels down to start work.

Getting lost in his work is nothing new, and he's elbows deep in it when he hears a loud screeching coming from the yard. He jumps up and runs outside, taking in a scene that makes his heart pound and his stomach drop.

\--

Dean's had a decent day at work. Not good, not bad, just normal. He's on his way to his car from the bus terminal when his phone rings.

Smiling at Cas' name, he answers. "Hey sweetheart, I'm just about to head home and shower before I come over."

"Dean" the way Cas says his name makes his blood run cold. "I- there was a dog- I don't know-" His voice is shaking and Dean can hear tears in it.

"Slow down, take a breath. What happened?" Dean says, walking even faster to his car.

"A dog was in the yard." Cas says, wavering, breath hitching. "It's Lunch, she's hurt."

Dean stops walking, heart falling into his stomach. "Where are you?"

"On my way to the emergency vet." Cas says.

"Okay sweetheart, just stay calm. I'll meet you there, I'm leaving now." Dean starts rushing to his car again.

"Okay." Cas says quietly.

"It'll be okay." Dean says. "I'll see you soon." He tries to sound truthful, but he has no idea how bad it is. He hangs up, getting into Baby, and driving as quickly as he can.

\--

When Cas pulls up to the vet, he can see Dean already there, pacing outside the door. He gently slides the box with Lunch inside into his lap before climbing out of the car.

Dean is by his side in a second, resting a hand on his arm. "How bad is it?" Dean asks.

Cas is shaking, both from the depleted adrenaline of the attack, and from worry about the chicken. He shrugs, and tries to hold back the tears he can feel gathering in his eyes.

Dean softly takes the box from his hands, and Cas swipes at his tears. "Alright sweetheart, let's get her inside."

Following Dean to the door, he tries to pull himself together, but he can't. He loves those damn chickens, and it hurts that he didn't protect them well enough.

Dean does all the talking to the receptionist, and Cas just stands there feeling useless and guilty. They take Lunch right to the back, and then he has Dean's arms around him.

"It's gonna be okay, they're gonna fix her right up." Dean is saying, and Cas slumps in his arms.

It's his fault. He should've anticipated something like this, gotten a fence installed or something. He thought he was far enough out from anybody that nothing like this would happen, but he should have. He should've known.

"It's not your fault, you couldn't have known." Dean says, and Cas realizes he must've been talking out loud. "These things happen. It's all going to be okay."

Pressing his face further into Dean's shoulder, Cas let's out the sob he'd been holding back. 

Dean holds him while he cries, rubbing along his back, and whispering encouraging words into his ear. When someone comes up to the desk behind them, Dean leads Cas over to the chairs and sits down, pulling Cas back against him.

It's a while later that Cas' tears finally dry up, and he sits there slumped against Dean, worn out, exhausted. He notices Dean filling out some forms on a clipboard, and vaguely wonders when he'd gotten them, but feels very grateful that Dean is taking care of it.

It's been silent. Once Dean finished filling out the paperwork, they let the soft noises of the vet flow around them. Dean breaks it with a huff. "It's like we're sitting in the hospital waiting for news on our kid."

That is what it feels like, Cas thinks, sitting here with Dean in this limbo, smells of antiseptic around them, sorrow and guilt coursing through him.

Their kid... _Their_ kid... Their _kid_?

Cas' heartrate picks up, and he feels nervous all of a sudden. Does Dean want kids? They've never talked about it. Is it too soon to talk about it? If it's too soon to ask him to move in, it's probably way too soon to have the children discussion. Or the marriage discussion. Does Dean want to get married? Cas does. What if Dean doesn't? Would Cas be okay with that? What if Dean doesn't want kids?

Cas is distressed now for a completely different reason, having an internal break down of sorts. Now is not the time for this, but he can't stop it.

So he does what he always does when he doesn't know what to do, he distances himself from the situation.

\--

Dean is freaking out. He'd said the words "their kid" and Cas hasn't spoken a word since. He'd gone almost stiff against Dean, and is now sitting straight up staring at the waiting room wall.

It's too soon. They haven't talked about it, he has no idea how Cas even feels about kids, and it's _too soon_.

 _Is_ it too soon to have that discussion? He loves Cas, can't imagine a future without him, so wouldn't talking about these important things be the next step? Obviously not here, not with this shit going on, but sometime. Right?

Jesus, Dean fucked this up. He didn't even mean to say it, it was just a random thought in his head, a feeling, and he still has yet to learn to think before he speaks.

Dean's opening his mouth to say something, anything to make this awkwardness pass, when the vet comes out and approaches them. Cas stands up, and Dean follows behind a second later.

"Mister Novak?" When Cas nods she continues. "Im Doctor Mills. Lunch is doing okay. We've cleaned her up and given her antibiotics. She was in shock, so we also gave her pain medicine to help with that. She's resting now, but I'd like to keep her overnight just to make sure she doesn't have a reaction to anything."

"Okay" Cas says, nodding, voice flat.

The vet smiles lightly at him. "Don't worry, I believe she's going to be fine. You can pick her up tomorrow morning, but we'll call you if anything happens."

"Thank you Doctor Mills." Cas replies, shaking her hand. She nods and walks away, and Cas turns to Dean for a second then looks away, biting his lip. "I guess we should go."

Dean follows Cas outside to his car. "Do you want me to come back with you?" He asks, but based on the distant look on Cas' face he's pretty sure he already knows the answer, and his heart is racing waiting on it.

Cas shakes his head, and Dean's stomach sinks. He really did fuck up bad. "You have to work tomorrow and it's getting late."

"I don't mind. I'd rather be with you."

Cas looks at him then, expression still blank, eyes distant and unfocused. "Thank you Dean, but I think I just want to go home and sleep. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Okay." Dean says. He wants to pull Cas to him, wrap him in his arms, feel him warm against him and know that everything's gonna be okay.

Cas just gives a halfhearted twitch of his lips, says "goodbye Dean", turns around and gets into his car. He's driving away before Dean can even move from his spot.

Dean numbly makes his way over to Baby, climbs inside, and drives home.

\--

Cas wakes up feeling horrible. He'd gone home and gone to bed the night before, just like he said he was going to, but he didn't sleep. Instead, he'd spent almost the entire night tossing and turning and thinking about what had happened.

He feels guilt and sadness over what happened with Lunch, but the vet said she would be okay, and he never received a call so he assumes she's doing well.

Mainly, he can't stop thinking about what happened with Dean, and why he freaked out and withdrew. He has some guesses. For one, it's too soon, it's _probably_ too soon, and Dean probably thinks it's too soon. Two, he's scared to know the answers to the questions he'd asked himself at the vet's office. Dean making a comment about children, their children, has stirred up some longing in Cas that he'd thought long buried.

He wants kids. He always has, but he'd almost resigned himself to probably never having a partner, a relationship, strong enough for them. But now that he has that, he _wants_ it. But he doesn't know if Dean does. If he doesn't, what's he to do?

Pushing Dean away is really fucking stupid, and he knows it. That's the other thing he spent all night thinking about. The sad defeated look on Dean's face when Cas drove away, it haunted him all night. He should pick up the phone and call him. He should, but he can't. He's scared. What if he freaked Dean out by his own freakout? What if Dean wants to call this off, to break up, because Cas pushed him away? He can't face it, not yet, not today.

Cas drags himself out of bed, downs some coffee, and grabs his keys. He climbs into his truck, the truck that Dean fixed not long after they got together, and another wave of guilt and sadness slams into him. Resting his head on the steering wheel, he gives himself a minute to pull himself together. He's got shit to do before he picks Lunch up, and he needs to go.

Starting the car, Cas heads out to the hardware store. He picks up what he'll need to make a temporary chicken pen for outside, and stuff to set up an indoor area for Lunch to heal, then heads home.

Once everything is set up, and the chickens are safely in their new pen around their coop (which they are not happy about, since they're used to free run of the yard), he calls the vet's office to make sure he can come pick Lunch up now, then heads out again, in his car this time.

The office gives him aftercare instructions and antibiotic and pain meds. He pays the fee for her visit, which is an insanely high amount, but worth it, and he collects his chicken. She looks okay, seems a little lethargic which they say is normal, but she looks at him and seems happy, or as happy as a chicken can look.

Once he gets her home, he settles her into her new pen area off to the side of the livingroom. She seems content, nestled down into the blankets, so he finally allows himself to sit down on the couch and rest.

He's exhausted. His eyes hurt, his body is tired, he still feels like utter shit, and he wants Dean. Wants to be in his arms, comforted by him, but he can't bring himself to pick up the phone. Instead, he sinks down further into the couch and closes his eyes.

\--

Dean is pissed.

It's Friday, which means it's been a week since the fiasco with the chicken and the vet's office and putting his foot in his mouth. He's not seen Cas, and he's barely spoken to him. Dean did send him a few text those first couple of days, asking how Lunch is doing, and how Cas is doing, and he recieved one and two word replies in return. It was disheartening.

He's spent the last several days in a moping funk. He still texts Cas, but just once a day, and usually has to wait most of the day for a reply.

It hurts. It really fucking hurts. One goddamn sentence, something that didn't even _mean_ anything, and Cas is all but gone.

Dean should be the one freaking out, really. In true Dean Winchester fashion, at any sign or word of serious commitment, he's usually gone. And really, it did scare him at first. But, it's _Cas_. Cas, who he wants to spend the rest of his life with. Cas, who he cares for more than he's ever cared about anyone. Cas, who he loves.

And it seems like Cas just doesn't want him anymore.

Dean pushes down the hurt and sadness and embraces the anger once again. It's not right, Cas not even giving him a chance to fix it. He'd thought Cas loved him, but now it just feels like he was nothing. All for what?

It's evening time when Dean gets a text from Cas. He'd texted him that morning, asking how they were doing, and Cas is just now gracing him with a reply.

 **Cas** : She's healing well.

That's it. That's all it says. It's not even new information. It's the same exact damn text Cas has sent the last few days. Fuck it, he has to do something. He has to know whether this is actually over or not.

\--

Cas is miserable.

He misses Dean. Misses his laugh and his jokes and his warmth. Misses talking to him, and cuddling with him. He misses sex with him. This is the longest he's gone without it since they started, and he _misses_ it. The closeness, the intimacy, the feeling of being wanted and needed. He misses Dean so damn much. How did this get so messed up?

He's really fucked up, and has waited way too long to fix it. Or even try to fix it. He's sure Dean's done, even though he still sends his morning text every day, but now Cas is sure it's just because he was so attached to Lunch. He cares about her.

Cas sinks back down into the couch. He's barely moved in a week. Really, the only times he does is to take care of the chickens, eat once a day, and possibly shower if he's feeling ambitious that day, which he was today so he managed a shower and to eat twice, which is an accomplishment.

Lunch has moved back outside with her sisters, and Cas' livingroom is now sadly empty. He'd thought about keeping her in there longer, but it really wasn't fair to keep her penned up inside with only his sorry ass for company, when she should be out enjoying herself. So he'd reacquainted her with the other chickens, and is now as alone as ever. Maybe he should get a cat, but that probably wouldn't work well with the chickens.

He picks up his phone and shoots his daily reply to Dean, then buries his face in his pillow. The couch isn't the most comfortable thing to sleep on, but at least he can get a few hours here and there, unlike in his bed. The memories of Dean are too strong there, and he tried a total of one time, after that first night, to climb into bed. After several hours, he stumbled back downstairs and has been on the couch since.

He hasn't even worked. The beautiful bench is still sitting in his workshop, in the exact place he left it when he'd run out to save his chickens. He has no desire to work, to bring anything back to life when his own life is falling apart at his own hands.

It's too late to fix it. He knows it's too late, and he feels empty, like there's been a hole punched through him. Why couldn't he have just handled it that first day? Why did he wait, and keep waiting? He loves Dean so damn much, and he fucked everything up.

Cas closes his eyes, and hopes for sleep to give him just a few hours reprieve from his misery.

\--

Cas is startled awake, falling off of the couch onto the floor, heart pounding wildly. There's a loud banging coming from the backyard. He looks at the clock, sees it's 6am and wonders what the fuck is happening.

The banging continues as he pulls himself up off the floor and looks around. It's barely light outside, the sun just coming up. Making his way over to slider, he opens it slowly and quietly, peaking out.

When he sees what it is, he opens the door fully and steps out, extremely confused. Dean is to the side of the porch, wood and mallet in hand.

"Dean?" he says, but apparently it's too quiet for him to hear over the racket.

Cas walks to the edge of the deck and tries again, louder. "Dean? What are you doing?"

Dean looks up at him, and he looks angry. "What the hell is that?" Dean asks, pointing at the new chicken enclosure with the mallet in his hand.

"I needed to keep them safe. What are you doing?" Cas repeats.

"You needed a damn fence, so I'm building you a damn fence" Dean says angrily, then turns back to what he's doing.

Cas just stands there, baffled and confused, brain still not quite awake enough to understand.

He watches for a minute, but when Dean doesn't offer any other explanation, Cas turns and goes back inside, straight to the coffee pot.

He feels the loss consume him, the need overwhelm him until it's hard to breathe. Dean is here, building him a fence. Why? God he's missed him. Just that one look, and all his feelings are at the forefront of his mind. It hurts.

Once the coffee is finished, Cas fills 2 mugs, fixing one with cream and sugar, and heads back to the deck. He sets the plain one on the railing near where Dean is working and stares at him.

God he's beautiful, even angry, and Cas can't even blame him for being mad, he has every right to be. Cas fucked up, but Dean is here. He's right here.

"Dean, why are you doing this?" Cas asks, because if Dean is that pissed at him then why is he here?

"Chickens." Dean responds, not looking up.

Cas watches him for another minute, and when he says nothing else Cas huffs his annoyance and goes back into the house.

Chickens. The chickens are fine, Cas made sure of it. Yeah, he needs a fence, and had been contemplating calling to see how much it would be to have one installed, but he just hasn't had the energy to do anything about it yet.

Of course Dean's here for the chickens. It's the same reason he's been texting every day.

Cas feels hurt, and a little bit angry at Dean, but mostly angry at himself. He swipes away unwanted tears and goes to the fridge, pulling things out. Eggs from the chickens, bacon that he's pretty sure Dean bought a while ago but hasn't gone bad yet, and bread which has a few days left until it spoils.

He makes breakfast in a daze, mechanically, while his mind whirls around everything. Maybe he can fix this? If only he could talk, say the things he wants to say, let Dean know how he feels.

When the food is ready, he loads it onto two plates, sets them on the table, and goes back out to the deck. "Dean, can you come inside?" Cas asks, and doesn't wait for an answer, just walks back in and sits down at the table.

There's banging for another minute, silence, then Dean sliding in through the door and looking around.

Dean sits down at the table across from him, after Cas points to the plate, silently digging into the food. Cas wants to say something so badly, but the words are stuck inside him. He doesn't know if he can fix it, but he wants to. Dean is _right there_ , so close. Close enough to touch. Cas' body thrums with the need to be even closer, the need to pull Dean against him and kiss him and promise to make it better.

Instead, he continues to eat his breakfast, they both do, without saying a word. When Dean's is done, he takes his plate to the sink, rinses it, and sets it into the dishwasher. He says "thanks" without looking at Cas, then goes back outside.

Cas let's his head thump onto the table, tears in his eyes again. Why can't he just _say_ something?

He's still sitting there sometime later, cold breakfast forgotten in front of him as he stares down at the wood. He hears the slider open and Dean peeking his head in.

"I have to run home, I forgot my nail gun. I'll be back." He closes the door without waiting for a response, and Cas still just sits there staring.

\--

Dean grabs his nail gun and the rest of his tools he forgot in his angry haste to do something that morning, and heads back out, sliding into the impala. He'd unloaded all the lumber from the truck already, so there's no point in not taking comfort from his Baby now.

Why is he even doing this? It's not like Cas wants him there, if he did he could've said something, said anything. He did make breakfast, which was a surprise, so maybe he does want him there? Or he's just being a gracious person, because Dean's building the fence.

The hurt and sadness is overpowering him again, and he let's it wash through him for half the drive. After that, he pushes it down and let's himself be angry. Anger is good, it doesn't hurt so much.

He pulls back up at Cas' and stares at the house. The house that's become like home to him in the last several months. The house he thought he'd one day live in.

Shaking his head, he gets out of the car. It's getting hotter, and it's fairly safe out there at Cas', so he leaves the windows down so Baby isn't a sauna when he gets back in later, and walks around the side of the house to get back to work.

\--

Dean's worked most of the day. All of the posts are in, and he has maybe a fourth of the actual fence built. His body is sore and he's tired and his anger has been worn off for way too long.

Cas made him lunch, and it was the same as breakfast, sitting silently across from each other until he was done, then back to work.

It hurts. He feels empty inside, and every time Cas does something for him, every time he even gets a glimpse of him inside the house, his heartrate ratchets up and he feel nauseous. Maybe there really is no way to fix this. Maybe Cas really doesn't want him anymore. If he did, he would've said something by now.

Dean's decided that he'll finish the fence, and that'll be it. He'll leave Cas alone and accept that this is over. That the only person he's ever loved is just done with him. He should've expected it, really. People don't stick around for him, why would they? He's a useless bus driver with nothing to offer but himself. It was doomed from the beginning.

Packing up his tools, he looks around. The work should only take a few more days. He can get a lot done tomorrow, but will have to wait until next weekend to finish. One more week, and he probably won't ever see Cas again, and that thought almost brings him to tears.

Cas is standing on the deck when he looks up. "I'll be back tomorrow, but probably wont be able to get it done until next weekend." Dean says.

"Okay." Cas replies, nodding.

Dean hesitates, but when Cas doesn't say anything else, he nods back once and leaves around the side of the house.

Part of him was expecting Cas to finally say something, but that was just stupid wishful hoping.

The Impala is rumbling down the road, and Dean is almost home when he hears a clucking from the behind him.

\--

Once Dean has left, Cas let's himself sink back into his despondency. Why couldn't he have tried _something_? Dean was standing there, staring at him, and he could've asked him to stay. Asked him to talk, tried to explain what happened.

The loss of Dean is like a physical presence, a ghost haunting him, tormenting him.

Time passes while he sits and stares at the wall, wondering if he'll ever feel whole again, when there's a knock on the door.

Swiping his tears away, Cas heads down the hall and pulls the door open. "Dean?" The word leaves his mouth, surprise evident. What's he doing back? Does he want to talk? Hope fills him, maybe this is his chance.

"Uh, yeah, so I was almost home when I heard clucking in my backseat. Heather stowed away." Dean says.

"What? How?" How'd she get out? Are the other chickens out? Cas is worried now.

"Yeah I have no idea. I put her back in the coop, the others are still there, and I locked it up for you." 

Relief washes over him, followed closely by the longing for Dean that is always present these days. "Okay. Thank you."

Dean's staring at him, and he's staring back. Now's his chance. Just say something. Ask him to come in, ask him to talk. Tell him you're sorry. _Something_ damnit!

He says nothing.

Dean nods once, again, says "okay" and turns around to leave.

No. No no no. No.

"Please don't leave me" Cas says, almost too quietly, but Dean stops and turns back around, and he repeats himself a little louder.

Dean huffs. "I never wanted to leave you. You're the one who pushed me away, and for what? A stupid comment I made that I didn't even think about?! It didn't mean anything, Cas. Jesus."

Cas flinches at the harsh tone of Dean's voice, but he deserves it. He deserves that and so much worse. Dean looks heartbroken, hurt, betrayed, and it's so painful it takes Cas' breath away.

Dean shakes his head, giving a self deprecating laugh. "You know what? If you didn't want to see me anymore, you should've just said that instead of cutting me out." His voice sounds defeated. 

"That's not what happened." Cas says desperately. He needs to do something now, or Dean will be gone forever.

"Than what, Cas? What the hell happened? Because I sure as fuck don't know, and I've spent a week trying to figure it out."

"I-" how does he even begin to explain? The words are stuck in his throat, fear and distress gathered there, leaving him speechless.

Dean nods. "Okay." His shoulders slump in rejection. When he starts to move away, Cas' hand shoots out of it's own accord, grabbing onto Dean's arm to stop him. Then the words are flowing out of him.

"I freaked out, and then I got scared. I thought it was too soon to talk about it, but then I thought maybe it wasn't. Maybe we should've already talked about it. I don't know if you want kids, or want to get married, or if you even want to live together. And if you don't? I didn't know what to do with that. I'm scared that we'd want different things, and then what? We break up, or one of us does something they don't want to do? One of us would end up getting hurt, or both of us. But I was wrong. This, right here? Losing you? It's so much worse than anything I could've imagined. I don't care about your answers, because I can't lose you. I'll do whatever it takes because I love you, so much. Please, don't leave me."

Dean's staring at him, mouth slightly open in shock. Cas drops his hand back to his side, at a loss of what to do now.

Finally, Dean moves. He's across the threshold, pressing their lips together. Cas makes a surprised sound, startled for a second, before bringing his hands up and gripping Dean, pulling him closer. It's been so long, too long, and he needs this. Needs Dean. He pulls Dean further inside and pushes the door closed, backing Dean up into it.

Dean grips his hips tightly, then spins them around until Cas' back is pressed against the door, pushing into him, against him, diving his tongue into Cas' mouth. Cas just clings to him, can't get enough, wants more, wants everything.

Breaking away to breathe, Dean kisses down Cas' jaw to his neck. "Dean, please. Need you. Want you. Please. Please." Cas is begging, babbling, but he can't stop. Breath coming faster, heart racing, fingers tightening in Dean's shirt. "I love you. Love you so much. Please don't leave me. Please don't stop." His brain is fuzzy, his body on fire, and he wants _more_.

Dean grabs ahold of him and pulls him up stairs, down the hall into his room, and Cas goes more than willingly. Dean wastes no time, once inside. He pulls Cas' shirt off, then his own, and pushes Cas back on the bed, following him, pressing their mouths, their bodies, together.

"Missed you" Dean says against Cas' chest, licking and sucking at Cas' skin. "God Cas, I missed you."

"Me too" Cas' breath hitches as Dean takes his nipple into his mouth. "Dean, please. I need more. Need you." Cas grabs Dean's biceps and pulls him up, crashing their mouths back together. He slides his hands down Dean's stomach and pops the button on his jeans, pushing on them to get them down.

Dean laughs lightly against his lips. "You in a hurry?"

Nodding, Cas pushes at Dean's pants again. "Yes. Want you to fuck me." He can feel a shiver go through Dean with his words, then Dean is nodding and moving down to pull Cas' pants off.

Finally, they're both gloriously naked, and he has Dean's weight on top of him. He missed this so much, he missed Dean. How could he have ever let them get to the point where they almost weren't an 'us' anymore?

Cas passes Dean the lube, and pushes him down. He wants this so fucking bad, and he doesn't want to wait anymore.

Dean chuckles against his skin, and Cas hears the lid click. A moment later, Dean's finger is pressing against his rim, pushing in slowly, and Cas can't help the strangled moan that forces its way out of his throat.

Dean's working him open slowly and gently, running his lips all along Cas' skin, tracing the line of his groin with his tongue, nosing at his hard cock. Cas wants more, needs more. He makes a whining noise and pushes down against Dean's fingers. "Please." He begs.

Everything feels so good, his skin burns where Dean's lips touch it, he's being lit up from the inside out, and he loves every minute of it. Dean's fingers speed up, thrusting in and out, stretching him, crooking to pass over his prostate sending increasingly pleasurable zings through him each time. Dean mouths over his cock, and Cas' hips thrust up unintentionally, searching for the heat.

Cas knows a string of incoherent noises are leaving his mouth, but he can't stop. It feels so good, so amazing, so _Dean_. He grabs ahold of Dean's arm, trying to pull him up. "I'm ready."

Dean kisses up Cas' body, slowly removing his fingers, and brings their lips together while reaching into the nightstand. Cas takes ahold of his hand, pulling it back. "No condom. Please? Need to feel you."

"You sure?" Dean asks, pupils dilating with lust even more, until the green is all but consumed.

"Yes, I'm sure. Just want you." Cas says, fingers sliding behind Dean's head and pulling him into a kiss. Dean shudders in his arms, and moves back enough to slick himself up. Cas pulls him closer as Dean slides inside, slowly, until he's seated all the way, Cas letting out a pleased groan at the fullness that he's missed so much, Dean's own moan echoing him. Feeling nothing between Dean and himself, it's blissful.

Pushing down with his hips, Cas begs Dean to move. He needs to feel him, needs to be even closer, never let him go.

Dean begins to grind his hips, pulling back then thrusting back in, and Cas throws his head back, feels Dean's lips and teeth on his neck, hoping he leaves a mark. Holding the back of Dean's head, encouraging him to. He feels the sting of pain, the warmth of Dean's tongue over it, and it feels so fucking good.

"Cas, love you baby." Dean says into Cas' neck. "Missed you. Love you." As he presses more kisses to his skin and speeds up his thrusts.

Cas is clinging to Dean, fingernails digging into his back as his orgasm draws closer, arousal and pleasure swirling through him, clenching in his stomach, sweat dripping down his neck. He's holding Dean as close as they can get, his stomach sliding along Cas' cock on each thrust, giving just a small bit of pressure. Dean's angle is just right, the head of his cock passing against his prostate each time, and he's so fucking close.

"Dean" Cas begs, pressing his face to Dean's shoulder. "Please. Please. Yes. Yes. _Dean_." His orgasm crashes through him and he throws his head back into the pillow. It's all consuming, sending flames throughout his entire body, pulses of pleasure like electrical shocks as he spills over their stomachs untouched. Dean is still thrusting into him, and he feels so full clenching around him, and then Dean stiffens, buries his face against Cas' neck and Cas can feel Dean filling him, his hot come covering his insides, marking him, as Dean moans into his skin.

They're both breathing hard, clinging to each other. Shivers are going through Cas' body, and he can feel Dean trembling above him. Cas pulls him down, slides him to the side until he has Dean in his arms, pressed against his chest, nose and lips buried in Dean's hair.

Tears are gathering in Cas' eyes, and he can't stop them. He tries to subtly wipe them away, but Dean looks up at him and concern covers his face. "Sweetheart" his tone is so loving.

"I'm sorry" Cas says, swiping at his eyes again. "Dean, I'm sorry."

Dean's hands come up on either side of his face, wiping the tears away with his thumbs. "It's okay. You can cry." Dean's pressing kisses to his face, forehead, cheeks, lips. "It's okay."

Cas shakes his head. "No, I'm sorry about everything. I don't care about any of that, I can live without it. I can't live without you." Because he can't. He tried, and it was miserable and lonely and he hated every minute of it. Cas buries his face into Dean's chest, and Dean holds him close, tight against him.

"You didn't even ask me." Dean says quietly, after a minute.

"What?" Cas asks, holding tighter.

"You didn't ask me if I wanted any of that. You just assumed, or thought of the worst case scenario. But you could've just asked. I would've been honest with you. I'm always honest with you."

Cas' heart is pounding hard against his ribs, and he can feel his hands shaking a little where they're clinging to Dean.

"Ask me, Cas." Dean says into his hair.

Cas takes a deep breath, then another. He presses his face harder against Dean's chest so his voice is muffled when he speaks. "Do you want any of that? Living together, marriage, kids?" His voice hitches as he says the words.

"Yeah Cas, I do. All of it." Dean says, and Cas can almost feel his heart stop and then start again. "I always have, I've just never found someone I wanted it with. Until you."

Cas looks up at Dean, sees the honesty in his face, and he is so beautiful. Cas kisses him then, slow and sweet, losing themselves in each other.

\--

They're laying in Cas' bed, still naked and sated, facing each other. Their faces inches apart, staring into each other's eyes, breathing each other's breaths. Dean's right hand is tracing patterns on Cas' left shoulder, the side of his face, his neck. Cas' left fingers are leaving trails of goosebumps along Dean's hip and stomach, down to his thigh and up his back.

The love Cas feels is beyond words at this point. This is everything he's ever wanted, and he won't let it go again. Won't even give it a chance to fail.

"Move in with me" Cas breathes out.

Dean looks startled for a second, eyes wide, searching Cas' face. After a moment, he smiles his beautiful breathtaking smile. "Yes."

They kiss, and when Cas pulls back, they're both smiling. He is content, so happy and in love. He has everything he ever wanted right here.

**Author's Note:**

> Whew, I did not plan for this to be that angsty going in, but it just came out that way. I also had no intentions of having an explicit scene in this one, but that happened as well. The boys want what they want.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed! I have plans for at least 2 more parts, possibly more, so subscribe if you want to see what happens.
> 
> Also, kudos and comments are always a wonderful way to brighten my day!
> 
> Thank you lovelies for reading.


End file.
